So then, The last post I made on this blog was back in April and frankly, that tells you everything you need to know about my willpower and ability to motivate myself. If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, they used mine to tarmac over it and upgrade it to a highway.
I start things. I always start things. I'm good at that. What I'm not so good at, is then seeing those things through to completion. When I started this blog I had also started to exercise more. Both of those activities have lapsed in the intervening time between the last entry and this, always with the intention of "picking it back up tomorrow". That's the thing with tomorrow though: it's never today.
This was all brought into sharp focus the other day, when the postman delivered my bundle of shame. My entry pack for a 10K run I had entered all those months back when I started out. When there was more than enough time to get a reasonable level of fitness. Now, with less than a couple of weeks to the start of that race, I look at it and know there is no way I will be at the starting line, let alone the finish line. I haven't ran in months, nor taken any other form of exercise. I look at the pack and realise again what I've known all along: when you don't hold yourself to a high standard, you can't let yourself down. I've come to accept giving in as a fundamental part of me.
I'd like to change that.
So, I'm going to try again. Whether I keep going this time, I don't know. I wont know until one of two things has happened. Either I'll realise that I've stopped again, or maybe I'll realise I'm still going. I don't know which, though if I'm honest, the strong money is on the former of the two. That's how the form guide lists me and to deny it is to lie. Still, you never know how things will turn out until they happen.
